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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23180647">Touch Starvation</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aria_Lerendeair/pseuds/Aria_Lerendeair'>Aria_Lerendeair</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Magnus Bane Birthday Bash 2019 [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alec having trouble articulating his struggles, Alec wants cuddles and can't ask for them, Alec wants to cuddle Magnus ALL the time, Cuddling, Good Boyfriend Magnus Bane, Kissing, M/M, Touching, touch starvation</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 15:55:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,488</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23180647</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aria_Lerendeair/pseuds/Aria_Lerendeair</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Alec wants something. Desperately.  And Magnus is so confused by the signals that Alec is sending, he's worried he's done something wrong.  </p><p>A.K.A. Alec needs ALL of the hugs.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Magnus Bane Birthday Bash 2019 [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1666054</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>62</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>816</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Touch Starvation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Alexanderlightweight prompted for Magnus Bane Birthday Bash: hello amazing!! for the MB3: Magnus having to deal with a very touch-starved cuddle deprived Alec if you please 💕</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Alexander Gideon Lightwood was a study in juxtapositions and Magnus had thought he would find it irritating, but instead was endlessly fascinating.  Even now, in his loft, safe from the prying eyes of the Institute, he held himself so tightly, so tensely, almost as though he was afraid of what would happen if he relaxed.  He was a caged panther, stalking across the living room to the balcony, barely holding himself together.  </p><p><br/>
Magnus summoned them both a drink and walked out to the balcony, stepping beside Alexander, offering him the drink.  “Long day?”  </p><p><br/>
Alec exhaled and took the drink, putting it on the ledge without sipping it, forcing himself to nod.  </p><p><br/>
Magnus hummed and studied him over the edge of his martini glass.  Alec was still hunched in on himself, the curve of his shoulders tense and painful.  He reached out and put a hand on Alec’s forearm, feeling the muscle jump under his touch.  “Alec.”  </p><p><br/>
Alec flinched and swallowed hard, looking away.  “I’m sorry.”  </p><p><br/>
Magnus tilted his head, studying his shadowhunter.  “What are you sorry for?” </p><p><br/>
Alec gave a hoarse laugh.  “I don’t even know, Magnus.  For, for whatever has you upset.  I’m sorry.  I know it’s my fault.”  </p><p><br/>
Magnus hummed and considered that.  “You don’t need to shoulder blame when it isn’t yours to shoulder, Alexander.” He paused and looked up at Alec.  “And I’m not upset, darling.  I’m <em>worried.” </em></p><p><br/>
Alec frowned and glanced over.  “Worried?  What are you worried about?” </p><p><br/>
“Other than you?” Magnus asked.  He watched as Alec hunched in further and turned towards him properly.  He reached out and placed a hand on Alec’s arm again, giving a small squeeze.  “Alexander, please.  What is wrong?” </p><p><br/>
“I don’t…” Alec swallowed and clenched his hands into fists.  “Is it, is it always like this?” </p><p><br/>
Magnus hummed and gave a small tug on Alec’s arm, waiting for the shadowhunter to look at him again.  Alec hadn’t flinched again yet, but he still hadn’t relaxed.  “Is what always like what, Alec?  I’m happy to answer your question, but I don’t know what you’re asking.”  </p><p><br/>
Alec swallowed and looked down at Magnus’ hand on his arm and imagined Magnus wrapping him up in a hug and his whole body shivered.  “In, in relationships?”  </p><p><br/>
“Yes?” Magnus prompted, waiting for Alec to elaborate.  He could see how uncomfortable this was making Alec, but he also had no idea what Alec was getting at or talking about.  </p><p><br/>
“I don’t…” Alec frowned.  </p><p><br/>
“Alec,” Magnus said, giving his arm another squeeze.  “You’re wound so tight I’m worried you’re afraid of me.  You know I won’t do anything to you unless you want me to, right?”  </p><p><br/>
Alec’s eyes went wide with horror.  “You think I’m <em>afraid</em> of you?  By the angel, Magnus, <em>no,</em> not ever, I trust you with my life, I’m not <em><b>afraid</b></em> of you.” </p><p><br/>
Magnus let out a breath he hadn’t even known that he was holding and relaxed a fraction, smiling.  “I’m very relieved to hear that you’re not afraid of me, Alec.  But that still doesn’t explain why you’re so tense.”  </p><p><br/>
“I can’t,” Alec took a deep breath and looked down at Magnus.  “I can’t, I mean, I can, you’ve said it’s okay, but I don’t want to do it too much, but I don’t know how much is too much and-” </p><p><br/>
“Alexander,” Magnus interrupted, his voice firm.  “What are you talking about?” </p><p><br/>
“I want to touch you,” Alec blurted, before his eyes widened in horror.  “I mean, fuck, I don’t mean like that, I mean, I do, eventually, but I just, not yet, and that’s not what I meant.” </p><p><br/>
Magnus took a deep breath and gave Alec’s arm a tug, pulling him away from the balcony wall.  Alec looked miserable, his shoulders hunched and almost around his ears, his cheeks red in embarrassment.  He smiled faintly and tugged on Alec’s arm, pulling him back into the loft, waving his hand to shut the balcony doors behind him.  </p><p><br/>
“Magnus…” Alec started.  </p><p><br/>
Magnus shifted his hand and slowly slid his hand lower until his fingers were tangling in Alec’s and he gave the shadowhunter’s hand a slow squeeze.  Alec was staring at him with wide eyes and Magnus smiled at him.  </p><p><br/>
“Come here, my darling,” Magnus whispered, reaching up to cup Alec’s cheek in his palm, pulling him down and into a soft kiss.  Just like that, the tension melted out of Alec and long arms were coming around him to pull him even closer.  Magnus smiled and nuzzled in closer to Alec, letting the other man pull him in.  </p><p><br/>
“Magnus,” Alec whispered, pulling back from the kiss, pressing their foreheads together.  </p><p><br/>
Magnus smiled and carefully stroked his fingertips along Alec’s cheekbones, watching him shudder and lean into the touch.  He could feel Alec’s fingers tangling in his shirt, almost afraid to let him go, even though he wasn’t going anywhere.  “Better?” </p><p><br/>
Alec nodded, swallowing hard.  “This is what I want after a long day,” he whispered, keeping his eyes clenched shut.  “Coming here, holding you, having you want me here.  It makes every horrible thing that happened so much better.”  </p><p><br/>
The words hit Magnus harder than Alec could have ever intended, settling into a dark place that he’d kept hidden for far too long.  He pushed his fingers a little higher, up and into Alec’s hair, combing through it, blinking in surprise at the immediate way Alec leaned into the touch, almost desperately.  </p><p><br/>
Alec was so clearly starved for affection, both the ability to give and receive it, and had little to no idea when it was appropriate, and it was tearing him up trying to make sure he didn’t do or ask for too much. Magnus smiled and stepped in closer, nuzzling into Alec’s neck, listening to the steady thump of his heart.  </p><p><br/>
“Magnus?” </p><p><br/>
“Is this all right?” Magnus asked, opening his eyes to glance up at Alec’s jawline.  </p><p><br/>
Alec nodded and tightened his arms around Magnus, pressing his face to Magnus’ temple, exhaling hard.  “It’s not weird?”  </p><p><br/>
Magnus shook his head.  “No, it’s not weird.  It’s flattering, if anything.”  </p><p><br/>
Alec sighed and tightened his arms around Magnus, pressing his fingers into the silk of his shirt.  “You’re sure?”  </p><p><br/>
Magnus pressed a kiss to the tantalizing deflect rune and felt Alec shiver under him and smiled.  “I’m sure, Alexander.”  </p><p><br/>
“I don’t want to be <em>clingy,” </em>Alec muttered.  “Izzy’s magazines say clingy is bad.” </p><p><br/>
Magnus smiled faintly against Alec’s neck and nuzzled his skin again, his eyes fluttering shut at the possessive hold.  “There’s a difference between bad clingy and good clingy.  Good clingy because you just want to touch me and be around me?  Is more than okay.”  </p><p><br/>
“Oh,” Alec breathed out.  “Yeah?” </p><p><br/>
Magnus reached out and combed his fingers through Alec’s hair, combing gently, feeling his shadowhunter shudder under the touch of his fingers.  “I’m guessing your little rant earlier was more about wanting things like this?” </p><p><br/>
Alec nodded.  “Want to hold your hand.  Want to just, touch you.  Want…” he hesitated and bit down on his lip.  </p><p><br/>
Magnus shifted his hand and pressed his fingertips to Alec’s scalp, massaging as he moved his hand.  “Want me to do that to you?” he guessed, feeling Alec shiver again, pressing closer to him.  </p><p><br/>
“Please?” Alec whispered.  “O-only if you want to, of course, and if you don’t, that’s fine, I promise.”  </p><p><br/>
Magnus hummed and kept up the gentle petting of Alec’s hair.  “Is this what’s had you so wound up lately?”  </p><p><br/>
Alec winced and bit down on his lip.  “I didn’t want to press.  But yes, I want, I want to just…hold you.  All the time.”  </p><p><br/>
Magnus smiled and pressed a kiss to Alec’s cheek.  “That can, quite happily, be arranged.  Especially if it helps you relax around the loft.  I don’t like seeing you this tense.”  </p><p><br/>
Alec exhaled and relaxed, cuddling closer to Magnus.  “Okay.  Okay.  That’d be, that’d be amazing.”  </p><p><br/>
“All right, come here, Shadowhunter, I have an idea I think we’re both going to love,” Magnus said, tugging Alec towards the couch.  He pushed him down and encouraged him to lay down before he climbed in, scooting in close to Alec, glad when a strong arm wrapped around his waist to hold him close.  “There, how’s that?” </p><p><br/>
Alec took a deep breath and shivered when Magnus nuzzled into his neck again, wrapping one leg around both of Magnus’.  “Perfect,” he breathed.  </p><p><br/>
Magnus smiled, closing his eyes as he felt the last of the tension drain out of Alec.  “Mmmm, indeed you are.”  </p><p><br/>
Alec flushed and shook his head.  “No, no, that’s you, Magnus.  All you.”  </p><p><br/>
Magnus hummed and reached up, combing his fingers through Alec’s hair again, feeling his shadowhunter <em>melt</em> in the most wonderful way.  “I’ll work on convincing you, don’t worry.”  He did look forward to breaking down Alec’s protests, one by one.  </p><p><br/>
Magnus felt Alec cuddle him even closer and smiled.  He was going to find a way to <em>keep</em> this one.  </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Comments and Criticisms welcome!</p><p>Come join a Multifandom Discord Server -<br/><a href="https://discord.gg/82pvdE39fD">The Fandom Playhouse!</a></p><p>You can find me here:<br/><a href="http://arialerendeair.tumblr.com/">AriaLerendeair</a></p><p>And on twitter over here:<br/><a href="https://twitter.com/Aria_Lerendeair">Aria_Lerendeair</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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